The Art of asking your partner if something has been done

Benoît Quenaudon
2 min readSep 26, 2020

I tend to agree with this sentence:“easy choices, hard life; hard choices, easy life.” I think we can add “easy questions, storm incoming”.

Yo babe, should we leave the city?

Say you’re thinking about the dishes, they need to be cleaned. That’s part of modern life. Maybe she’s done it already? If not, let’s do it, right? Simple, effective, logical. Just wanna know, right?

Yo babe, have you already cleaned the dishes?

Now, a lot is actually being conveyed on your behalf here without your knowing!

Why yes I cleaned them. What the fuck is that question? You think I’m your maid? Go fuck yourself!

Tough but that is a true story.

The right question is more subtle. It needs to nuance the fact that there is zero expectation she should have done it. Let’s see.

Yo babe, should I clean the dishes?

You might get points because there’s no doubt she’s in charge but the fact that you’re asking that also means that it isn’t normal for you to do it which implies it is still expected of her to do so. That’s tricky.

Let’s go further with a negative expectation kind of question. It brings risk but heroes have skin in the game, don’t they!

Yo babe, I’ll clean the dishes, ok?

Best case scenario: “Oh, it’s done already, thank you though. 💕”

Worst case scenario: “Yep, thanks.” and no more escape, gotta do what you gotta do: the dishes. Still better than a storm of wrath.